Many people frequently attribute their problems to others. Parents, lovers, friends, co-workers, and children are top prospects. These occurrences could sound natural to you.
- I don't go out much because my hubby is an introvert, so that's why. I could go out a lot more if he were more social.
- ""My children are so difficult that it is impossible for me to host guests at my house. They just go crazy, and I wouldn't be able to have fun.
- The woman stated, "If my dad hadn't cheated on me, I would have a good view of relationships now and I wouldn't keep going for these jerks that treat me horribly." my mom."
It is very easy to blame others for everything going wrong in your life, even disliked behaviours or bad choices you make on a personal level.
What is blame?
Assigning blame means taking ownership of a mistake or wrongdoing. We attribute blame for a variety of occurrences: he made me lose my cool, she made me feel bad, they pushed me to make a choice. Blaming others leads to various harmful feelings, such as resentment, rage, and hatred. We place the blame for our undesirable actions, ideas, and emotions on other people. I have yet to encounter anyone who assigns responsibility to others for the positive events in our lives.
Reasons people blame
Accusing others is simple.
Blaming results in less work since it relieves us of responsibility. Being responsible and the labour that goes along with it are basically the complete opposite of this.
Blame allows you to avoid being exposed.
We don't need to be vulnerable if we don't have to be responsible. According to researcher Brene Brown, assigning blame "is by definition a sensitive process. It entails my phoning you and speaking with you about how this has hurt my feelings. One of the reasons we miss the chance for empathy is because people who tend to place a lot of blame rarely have the perseverance and courage to hold people accountable.
You feed your craving for control by blaming others.
In order to avoid placing blame, you must acknowledge that there may have been instances in which you did not behave in a manner you are proud of. In other terms, you had lost some of your control. Not blaming someone also requires you to hear their side of the story, which is something else you can't control. But if you point the finger at someone, you have control over the narrative in both the present and the future. They are to blame for why things turned out the way they did because they are evil, therefore you don't have to deal with it any longer.
Effect of blaming on mental health
Blaming keeps you in a bad frame of mind.
When you concentrate on what others are "doing wrong," you remain negative and pessimistic. You are focusing on issues rather than on solutions. You focus on people's shortcomings as opposed to what they do well. The woman in the first case above is holding her husband responsible for her own lack of social interaction, which makes her view him quite negatively and uncharitably. You can see how this can cause depressive symptoms and marital strife. If she publicly accuses her spouse of being introverted, he'll probably feel attacked and turn on her, which will cause short- and long-term marital problems.
Blame prevents you from considering your own role in the problem.
As long as other people are "the problem," you can avoid doing the difficult but ultimately gratifying process of looking at your own actions. What you wish were different in your life is influenced by your cognitive processes and expectations. For instance, the parent in the second case above might be looking at ways to help her children behave better or why it might be comfortable or simple for her to limit her socialising. Yet as long as she sees the kids as the issue, she doesn't have to engage in any of this more in-depth reflection, which would probably be quite helpful in helping her escape this impasse.
Because of blame, you are stuck in the past.
By placing the blame, you can continue to live in the past rather than attempting to change destructive behaviour patterns. Consider how your dad affects the way your relationship works in the last example from above. But, carrying on with your active blaming of him might keep you from exploring the root causes of your unsuccessful intimate relationships.
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