Healing from Heartbreak: Navigating the Aftermath of Trauma in Relationships

6 min read

Following traumatic events, many people find that their relationships with other people are affected. The overwhelming conditions of traumatic occurrences frequently have an impact on how friends, family, coworkers, and other people interact with one another. Although each person's reactions are distinctive to them and are based on their particular trauma experience, most people have certain common reactions to what has happened to them. Events that are traumatic severely test people's sense of security and safety in the world. These elements might alter how individuals view themselves, how they view life's purpose, and how confident they are about the future. These emotions can be expressed in relationships in a variety of ways.  

The range of traumatic experiences affecting relationships 

Any traumatic event or circumstance, including the untimely death of a loved one, an aviation disaster, a hate crime, public violence, childhood abuse, sexual assault, war, or refugee circumstances, is likely to have an effect on a person's relationships with others. This comprises occurrences that happen just occasionally or repeatedly over time that have an effect on a person, either by themselves or in collaboration with others in their community. Even though each of these scenarios is unique, a traumatic incident can impair a person's interactions with and feelings towards other people.

Traumatic experiences and relationships 

Experiencing traumatic events might lead to expectations of peril, betrayal, or potential harm in new or existing relationships. Survivors could find it difficult to trust others, even those they have in the past, as they might feel exposed and uncertain of what is safe. Getting close to people could be unsettling since you're worried about getting wounded in this dangerous environment. Or, people may become aggressive or attempt to exert control over others out of a sense of rage at their helplessness and the lack of control over their lives. After traumatic experiences, a person may feel threatened very readily, which can lead to the development of wrath and violence. Someone who feels threatened will unavoidably act aggressively to defend themselves. 

The sense of self of a person may also be impacted. Trauma survivors may experience severe shame, a sense of being unlovable or awful in some manner, or guilt about what happened to them, about something they did in the traumatic scenario, or about something they believe they should have done. It's possible for someone to feel that no one will ever fully comprehend what has happened or that talking about these experiences with someone close to them will be burdensome. For some it becomes natural to isolate from others, withdrawing from friends, family, workplace, and life, feeling distant, disconnected, or detached. Others may become apprehensive or afraid in connection to others, experience them as having power or control, or easily feel abandoned or rejected.

Still others may become overprotective or needy. Many trauma survivors feel emotionally numb and have trouble feeling or expressing positive emotions in a relationship. Additionally, physical intimacy might be more challenging, and some trauma survivors might find it challenging or impossible to have a fulfilling sexual relationship. Several of these sentiments are experienced by certain people, which can be perplexing or scary.

When trauma occurs within relationships

It can be particularly challenging to relate easily in close relationships if trauma has occurred inside a relationship, for example, if an intimate partner abuses an adult. In this case, trust has been broken, a close relationship has been severed, and the supposed support system is instead dangerous. There may be a fear that people are not reliable and an inability to find safety as a result. The process of getting close might be perplexing, terrifying, cautious, or completely avoided. Physical closeness, sexuality, and tenderness may be impacted. 

Early traumatic experiences, such as when a child is sexually abused by a trusted family member, can undermine the most fundamental elements of safety and trust in a primary relationship. The ability to feel is impacted by the early attachments that were broken calm and to anticipate kind, accommodating, and consoling relationships throughout adulthood. Later relationships may be impacted by or bring up memories and feelings of betrayal, loss, shame, secrecy, violation, and threats to one's physical integrity. After experiencing abuse or neglect as children, some people may struggle in their relationships to establish basic trust and form secure attachments.

How long are relationships affected after traumatic experiences?

After traumatic events, people react in a variety of ways that change over time. For some people, the effects may linger for a few weeks or months as they gradually revert to their old modes of communication and discover that their relationships may be reassuring and secure. Others might require more time before they feel more at ease initiating and maintaining their connections safely. Also, some people may discover that their relationships are significantly impacted; they may find it difficult to connect with others, relate to them comfortably, or make new connections. There are several causes for this, such as having experienced traumatic experiences, having experienced trauma in the past, having present living situations, and having coping mechanisms for dealing with severe stress and loss.

Treatment can help

Treatment is accessible to respond to these trying circumstances, reduce isolation, and rekindle hope. It might be beneficial to talk about traumatic events, loss, and relationship issues with a specialist who is knowledgeable about the multifaceted repercussions of trauma. A therapist can provide a secure environment where one can develop trust and security. A first step in creating or reestablishing relationships with others and with oneself, creating a support system, and engaging more completely in life can be found in the possibility within that relationship to construct meaning, purpose, and hope.

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